“We have to stop the inflammation in your body, Anita.” My doctor’s brown eyes  brimmed with compassion. “You have two options: a chemotherapy medication or a biological drug.”

I stared at him trying to comprehend the news. A drug used in chemo? “Isn’t there a lower level drug?”

He shook his head. “But remember, it’s not as high a dosage as a cancer patient would take, so you probably won’t have many side-effects.” He pulled his chair closer to me. “You need to get relief so you can function better.”

After leaving his office, I sat in my car turning the prescription over in my hands. The what ifs played havoc with my mind. I don’t want to take such an aggressive medication. But didn't my kids deserve a mother who could hold them and play with them without any of us worrying about the pain? What side effects would this drug have? I blinked against my tears. “Lord, I don’t want to walk down this path that seems chosen for me.”

A few days later, I took my first dose of the medication.

For nine weeks now, I’ve been walking down a path that wasn’t my first choice. Quite often, the side effects (that I shouldn't have had) of the medication wear me down. Yet, the path I would never have chosen has a beauty of its own…

His presence is nearer, for when I am traversing unfamiliar, rocky terrain, for it’s then that I hold His hand the tightest.

My eyes are more open to His angels--people He sends my way. But for this season of my life, I might never have experienced the helping hand of those who stand ready to serve for no other reason than to be His hands and feet.

Days that are dark are often lit up by a message from someone assuring me of their prayers. He knew I couldn’t walk this path without encouragement.

Each day, regardless of what it brings, is a gift from God…an appreciation that may have been obscured by the hurry of daily living, had I not begun walking this path I wouldn’t have chosen.

The way of pain, I now see, is not always the path we may choose. For who would want the pain of job loss, the death of a loved one, a terminal illness or an undiagnosed one, the pain of betrayal or that of a prodigal? Each heart alone knows its own sorrow. But in surrender to the One who knows the beginning from the end, pain begets a beauty in its purest form—drawing us closer to the heart of Him who loves us with an everlasting love—a daily lesson for me as I walk the path that wasn’t my first choice. 

Photos:

Mountain trekking bridge: www.cepolina.com

Light Path: dan, freedigitalimages.net